luxopolis

from StrongBad

After a debaucherous, glycemicalicious feast it was decided that Ann would spend the night at the Nelson's as a doppleganger for their unavailable Grandpa. She was so thrilled she gathered her pillow, pajamas, Teddybear, backpack, sleeping bag, and whoknowswhatelse and ran around the house for an hour, ready to go and unwilling to set anything down, even for a moment, lest this be taken as a lack of resolve. When all guests were gone we set to the task of putting "My Three Sons" to bed. In order to restore the cosmic "benefit balance" (which had been thrown out of alignment when Ann got to do something special) we let them sleep on the floor in their sleeping bags. As we lay in bed, we could hear them yelling, chattering, roughhousing, laughing, rolling, arguing, bouncing (anything other than sleeping) when Bobby stops and says:

"You know, it seems so quiet without Ann here."

Toy tips from the Onion

Imagine you're Mike Mignola. You've worked hard on this character for years and built up a following. Your creation enjoys a modicum of success in the world of comics and it is uniquely yours in a way that very few projects are for very few creators.

And then you sell the movie rights. You get a lot of money (hopefully) and some name recognition (hopefully) but for the most part it's out of your hands and even if you're hired as a creative consultant, ultimately you're powerless to stop this movie from sucking. Suddenly it's not just you sitting at a table writing and drawing everything yourself. Now there's hundreds of people in the process who are in a position to screw up your vision in thousands of little ways. And a Hellboy movie seems like a pretty hard thing to make "right" much less good.

And then you see this. What must that feel like?

Nowadays, trailers can make bad movies look good so we'll see. But jeez, I just kept thinking "Omygosh I can't believe they really made it!" Of course The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen looked like it'd be better than it apparently was so like I said, we'll see.

So, as the fates would have it, I saw most of the Victoria's Secret fashion show on CBS: Great googly mooglies! Somebody get those poor girls some corn muffins! Remember that big alien at the end of Close Encounters? Picture him in a big wig, wearing some sort of Barbarellaesque "lingerie" made out of vinyl tape, hyper-strutting down the runway with a condescending sneer. (It goes without saying that none of this applies to Tyra Banks. There's nothing wrong with that woman.)

A decade ago Frederick's of Hollywood was lingerie for women who were dressing to please their man. But VS was lingerie for women who were dressing for themselves. FoH catalogues (so I'm told) had pictures of Jessica Rabbit type women looking at the camera and actually smiling. They were happy you were there to see them. VS catalogues were filled with pictures of sultry, dreamy-eyed women always looking off camera and lounging in luxurious settings with no one else around. They did this all day. You could tell.

Back when I worked in the Mines of Mordor, we were on the mailing list to get both catalogues to use as reference. FoH was the "sleazy" one but invariably had poses you could actually use when you needed to draw a picture of a woman standing next to a six foot bottle of Budweiser. VS was the "classy" one but was practically useless for our purposes.

Aaaanyway, the fashion show was unfortunately like every other fashion show: Fascinating like a car wreck. Utterly self-absorbed. They think (or at least they act like) what they're doing is sooo difficult, and sooo cutting edge. And I don't mean to be rude but most of these women aren't as good looking as God made them and most of the "outfits" are just plain ridiculous.

As for the controversy over whether it's all too sexy for TV? Short answer: probably. Some of it was soft porn. However, although I tend to be a prude about these things, I think it's worth noting that I find this sort of unabashed titillation a lot less inappropriate than the stuff that strains to justify itself by irrationally weaving itself into dramatic content.

"Does it not occur to you...that by purging all sacred images, references, and words from our public life, you are leaving us with nothing but a cold temple presided over by the Goddess of Reason -- that counterfeit deity who, as history has proved time and time and time again, inspires no affection, retains no loyalties, soothes no grief, justifies no sacrifice, gives no comfort, extends no charity, displays no pity, and offers no hope, except to the tiny cliques of fanatical ideologues who tend her cold blue flame?" John Derbyshire

Now THIS is science.

from StrongBad.

"Because of an editing error, a story on the front page yesterday misattributed a quote from the speaker on an audiotape purportedly of Saddam Hussein as coming from Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle of South Dakota. It was the speaker on the tape, not Daschle, who said, "The evil ones now find themselves in crisis, and this is God's will for them." The only solution for Iraq was for "the zealous Iraqi sons, who ran its affairs and brought it out of backwardness . . . to return . . . to run its affairs anew," the speaker on the tape said, referring to the Baath leadership."
(a correction printed in the Cleveland Plain Dealer)

The Victorian era robot.

The legend continues: Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy isn't it?". Second one says, "No it's Thursday!". Third one says, "So am I! Let's go get a beer!".

Left-of-center folks may wish to skip James Lileks' Friday Bleat.

AICN has a funny review of Steven Seagal's latest. My prediction: In ten years or less he'll do some sort of intentional self-parody with Gary Coleman. "Belly of the Beast" indeed.

I purchased two new packages of crisp clean white underwear yesterday. For the forseeable future I shall be driving with reckless abandon.

"No sense being pessimistic. It probably wouldn't work anyway."

Q: Why did the milk ride on the egg?
A: Because he wanted to...ride...on the swamp. (Joseph)

A new StrongBad email. Warning: I had to update my Macromedia Flash Player to see this. If you run into problems go here.

THESE are the worst album covers ever.

"In the huge mass of evil as it rolls and swells, there is ever some good working toward deliverance and triumph." Carlyle

Some gave all (as the saying goes). Some gave their lives and futures and limbs and family and security. Some watched their friends die. Some didn't get to watch their children grow. Some gave the ultimate sacrifice. But many just plain sacrificed. A lot. Bad food. Hot sticky weather. Cold wet weather. Uncomfortable gear. Exhaustion. Boredom. Terror. Anxiety. Sleeplessness. Loneliness. Doubt.

Some had it easier than others. Some were able to make a pretty good career for themselves. Some may look back on those times fondly. Proudly. Some sacrificed more than others. But the common denominator is sacrifice of one kind or another.

And so, to all you veterans, not just the dead, not just the wounded, but everyone who has served through discomfort and inconvenience with distinction and honor: Thank you. Thank you for your service in defense of freedom. Thank you for being a part of what keeps my four children safe.

to George Patton and Leonardo DiCaprio. (and also the marines)

...is how Image creates new heroes.

...for every time I said "You know, Leonard Nimoy should eat more salsa."

Your complete RPS guide.

"It was, already, the most entertaining moment of the debate so far - which, admittedly, is a bit like comparing it with the world's most satisfying rice cake." Jonah Goldberg

It's that time of year again when we become mired down in the morning ritual of dressing appropriately for the weather. Numbers one and two will cry and whine that I (autocratic despot that I am) won't let them wear Hawaiian shorts and low-cut socks during frost advisories. Number three would wear her coat to breakfast if I'd let her. Number four (without intervention and sanctions) would still be claiming that his unzipped coat was, in fact, zipped. We need a plan. We need an "exit strategy".

(One literarily, the other literally) James Lileks gets his Fisking stick and lays the smackdown on Harry Knowles' review of Matrix 3.

Sex advice from Donald "Mojo" Rumsfeld.

Here.

...about the parallels between our grocery store strike and the one in California. Here's Larry Miller's view from CA in the Weekly Standard, presented without endorsement or condemnation. I'm still very conflicted about this one.

Has updated.

Be very afraid.

"A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it."

Author unknown, but I got it from Andrew Sullivan

explained.

Ellen and Pat are getting married! Frank got a karate (kah'-rah-TAY) trophy! Michelle and Bobby had a baby! And Malcolm Arthur bought a 9lb. 2oz. house!

It's possible that I may have one of those details wrong but things have been kinda crazy around here.

Annual illustration piece is outta the way. Storyboards are done. More blogging coming soon.